Monday, May 22, 2006

Putting the Chick back in Chicken


I have rallied some knitting support for the Elsbeth Lavold cardigan.

(Something funny and sarcastic about "child labor laws" and "Kathy Lee Gifford")


My knitting time consists of the few hours between putting my son to bed, and falling asleep myself, assuming of course that I don't have anything else to focus on like laundry, or dishes or communicating with the outside world. One could of course argue that starting this sort of web adventure is counter to finding additional "me time", but screw you. Who's asking?

All this is really to tell you why it's taking this long to finish this little beauty. But there has been some progress:

(I have yet to master the fancy "picher takin'")

In the meantime, for the benefit of my darling Virgil, here's how I make Chicken Cutlets.

You'll need:
Chicken - about 1 lb, bendy and nekkid (that is boneless and skinless)
Milk - about 1 cup
Egg - one
Breadcrumbs - about 2 cups
Olive oil - some

•Rinse off the chicken. Salmonella is nobody's friend.
•Pour the milk into a bowl, and add the egg. Mix it with a fork.
•Pour the breadcrumbs into another bowl.
•Cut the icky parts off the chicken. Anything that looks bloody or white, get rid of it, because no one needs that, I don't care how tough you are.
•Put the chicken pieces, one at a time into a heavy-duty ziploc freezer bag, or cover with heavy-duty plastic wrap. If you're using a ziploc bag, do not seal it, because it will explode and you will look foolish.
•Using a meat tenderizer (if you don't have one of these, buy one. You will love it.), whack the ever-lovin-bejeesus out of the chicken. Continue to do so until the chicken is consistently 1/4" thick.
•Take the flattened chicken pieces and dip into the milk/egg mixture.

•Then take each chicken piece and roll in breadcrumbs until totally covered.

•In a large heavy pan/skillet, heat enough olive oil to cover the pan, and then some.
•Add chicken, without overcrowding. Chicken feels the most comfortable in smaller, more intimate gatherings where it can really relax and be itself.
•Cook for 3 - 4 minutes, until golden brown, flip and do the same for the backside (teehee. backside).

•Continue for all the chicken until it's all cooked. Tell your husband/roomate/fire department that your kitchen is supposed to smell like that.
•"Place cooked chicken on paper towels to absorb excess oil" ("excess oil" hahahahahaha.)

You can turn this chicken into things like chicken parmesan, or slice it up and put it on a salad, or eat it at room temperature right off the pile with your fingers while watching Grey's Anatomy. And then let the stream of tears cut through your greasy cheeks at the realization that they did indeed use a blood clot to kill off the handsome and charming fiancee of the only character you find truly endeering.
Heartless bastards.

4 Comments:

Anonymous diana said...

Listen, that kid has to earn his keep. Diapers aren't cheap!

4:17 PM  
Blogger Martha Marin said...

Amen, sister.

11:17 PM  
Blogger Jscothammerquist said...

O you are so very Martha, very little Martha !

O my baby ! Gudy misses him so !

3:11 PM  
Anonymous virgil said...

Dear Miss Joanie;

Can you show us how to bread an entire wild boar? I'm having trouble getting the breadcrumbs to adhere to the tusks. I tried putting them (breadcrumbs) in a regulation sized handkerchief, wrapping and smearing the whole thing (tusks) with pine pitch, but frankly, it doesn't taste very nice.

What should I do?

Sincerely,
Virgil

10:25 AM  

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