Dear Diary

Please don't let my cheesecake be burning.

YES.

Good news for the free world, my friends.

I know some of you may be disappointed, and I feel for you. I know what it's like.

God in heaven, I know what it's like.

But let me let you in on a little secret:

When you wake up that blessed morning in January, come with me outside. I want to show you something.
See there? accross the street? Your neighbor Jim is NOT marrying a goat.
And quick! Behind that tree! There are no terrorists with vials of avian flu waiting to get you and your children.

In fact, the air is just a little bit sweeter, the sun is just a little bit brighter and people are going to be slightly more tolerant of one another.

Yes, yes, a bit more optimism and sunshine never hurt anyone.



Cheer up, my son. The skies are beginning to clear...

I have seen the Devil, and his name is Pink Eye

Stupid, stupid pink eye.


I shake my angry fist at you in all your evil ways, for all that is unholy and vile, for your itchy, swolen, and (oddly enough) pink, heart.


Beware less ye make that leap into my eye, filthy Devil.

Jerk.